Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
