please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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