I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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