I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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