After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
