Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
