Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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