I wanna bring you to show and tell
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
