So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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