Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
