no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
