You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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