I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
