He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
