The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
don't judge my taste in strippers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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