if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
