They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize