oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
