So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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