At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
