Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
