Pants 0. Shit 1.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
