u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
