nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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