yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
