my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
