um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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