Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
