And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize