you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
