I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
