I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
