she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize