Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
