I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
