what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
