Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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