how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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