I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
