Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
