Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize