the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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