just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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