i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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