that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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