You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
