why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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