i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
