ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
