Just cropdusted the office
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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