we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
