his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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