He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
