I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
