well you can't waste a boner
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
