I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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