i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
