Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
