I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
