Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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