Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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