Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
