i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
