I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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