I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
