i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
