You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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