Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
