i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize