don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
